Monday, October 5, 2009

What am I going to do with my life?

I am seriously starting to get worried. I've been thinking about my future and what I'm going to do a lot lately. Without going anywhere. I don't know what I want to do. I can't find anything that I really want to do, and the few couple of things I think would have been interesting and fun are things where you have to be creative, and I think that it's soon about time i realize that I'm just not that creative.

In case some of you didn't know, right now I'm taking Spanish at the university in Oslo. It's really a bachelor in languages, and in the bachelor you have 60 points of subjects in one language, 40 in another language, and then 40 which you can choose whatever you want to. I chose Spanish for the 60-group, and that's all I've chosen this far.

I took this for mainly 3 reasons:
1. I was thinking that I learned Spanish when I went to Costa Rica and then I could get an examn to prove that I know spanish now. (I can't say I learnt as much Spanish as I wanted to, but I guess I still learnt a lot..)
2. I think learning Spanish is fun. I love learning new languages.
3. I needed something to do and this was the best thing I could think of.

I chose the bachelor (3 years) instead of just taking one year of spanish because I wanted to be able to take some of the time in another country if I wanted to.. But now I don't know what to do! I don't want to study forever even though I like life as a student. My loan will just be way to big, and I need to get on with my life too..

So what I've been thinking is that I could take a year in a different country. The dream would be taking one semester in a spanish-speaking country so that I could really learn Spanish (I would want to live with a family so I had to speak Spanish), and then one semester in the States or Canada so that I could be closer to all of my friends there for a while.. But that wuold mean taking at least two years of the bachelor. And if I do, I might as well just take another year and then actually have a degree.. The only problem with coompleting this bachelor is that there are really only two jobs you get once you're done, teacher and translator. And I really don't want to be any of those things. So am I going to take three years' education that won't get me anywhere?

So what do I do? Do I just try something else, something random? Do I try something I want to, but I'm afraid won't work or won't give me a job when I'm done? Do I just start working so that I can have some time to think without having school and loans to worry about at the same time? Or do I just complete what I've started and then start on another bachelor/master after already having spent three years on a bachelor that's good for nothing?

I hate not having a plan, and not knowing where I'm going or what I'm doing. I just wish I knew what I wanted. I feel like I used to know everything I wanted. I used to know what I liked to do, what I wanted to be, but lately everything's just confusing. I feel that when people ask me what I like, the answers I give are the answers I gave in middle school. And that it's not necessarily because I still like the same things, more because I don't know what I like anymore. And I thought it was supposed to be the other way around.. Confused as a teenager, but then when you're growing up you suddenly know everything. I guess I just fail at life.

2 comments:

Mari said...

Kjenner meg igjen i det du skriver Elise! Sånn var jeg og.. hadde virkelig ingen mål eller mening med det jeg tok, bare for å ta noe liksom.. men utrolig hva en kan venne seg til tanken på.. Tror nok det finnes mer du kan bruke bacherloren på, bare at det gjerne ikke er konkret yrke.. for eks kan du kanskje bli journalist av noe slag!? Mange som trenger språkdyktige! :) Sikker på at det kommer til å ordne seg på en eller annen måte:)
I mens kan vi tvile begge to og fundere på hva som skjer over jul.. eller neste år!! :) Stau nau pau!

alanna said...

Elise!

Although I don't have any answers, I've been having similar thoughts and conversations. Apparently no one knows 'what they want to do'. Though I would like to point out that there are probably a lot more options than a teacher or translator with a language degree.

miss you!
Alanna